March 27, 2008
Negotiation
No Comments
When you’re the one who must deal with conflict you know what to do?
If you’re an executive, manager or human you resource professional, managing conflict is probably part of your job. So is recognizing when hidden conflict is the source of a problem.
The very word conflict has a negative impact on most people: you associate the word with war, destruction, hostility and pain. When you think of conflict as negative, even dangerous, you probably tend to avoid it whenever possible rather than learn how to deal with it effectively.
Conflict within an organization is not necessarily negative. In fact, it is a valuable potential source of energy for achieving organizational goals. Effective conflict intervention can help transform a conflict situation into an opportunity for change, growth and development of creative solutions to an organization’s most difficult problems.
Conflict may be open or hidden. It is relatively easy to focus on visible conflict. Suppressed conflict may be more difficult to identify and may masquerade as a variety of symptoms such as low energy, high stress, diminishing productivity, high turnover, poor quality of decision making, defensive behavior, nit-picking and so on.
Whether the conflict is visible or hidden, if you are the one who must manage it you need to be aware of its source and its contribution to the identified problem, as well as having resources for helping your group deal effectively with the problem itself.
You need to be able to:
March 27, 2008
Negotiation
No Comments
Whenever you work with people, conflict is inevitable. The tension created by daily conflict either results in wasted time, decreased productivity, and poor decisions or the sort of internal competition that pushes each individual to do their best, if for no other reason that convince their coworkers that they can do it.
This inevitable conflict is either destructive or creative. The destructive conflict is toxic to relationships and hurts people and organizations and this is the one that needs managing. In my experience creative conflict seems to be cultural in nature. It’s how the people themselves react and address each other and the situations they face together.
If you’ve ever seen “American Chopper” on the Discovery Channel you know what I mean by creative conflict. There is a lot of yelling going on. These guys are not shy about sharing their opinions when they disagree with one another. If you were a stranger who walked into their shop you might think WWIII had broken out.
In fact, that is how they relate to one another - there is no ambiguity, they tell it like it is in the moment. Imagine how much more they accomplish because they use the tension to air their different opinions, right now - and then get on with it. It’s possible that this is just a TV show and these guys have nice quiet meetings in the board room, listening to various committee reports, before the speak up, but that’s not likely. I bet they are who we see them as being.
In three decades working with family businesses I have seen dozens and dozens of companies who harness conflict creatively, and in so doing get the most out of everyone as well as optimum results overall. They don’t waste time on what’s not working just because it was the bosses idea. They stop what they’re doing and point out the other person’s mistake then show them how to fix it. Nothing and no one or their opinion is sacred - it’s all about getting the job done.
Sadly I have seen experts try to get them to change their behavior, be more polite to one another and offer more politically correct input in an ever more constructive manner. In other words they (the experts) want other people to be more like them.
So instead of helping their clients manage the destructive conflict that exists, they are offering suggestions on how to fix what isn’t broken.
I am talking about the conflict that distracts employees and managers from otherwise productive use of their time. Studies reveal that up to 30% of a typical managers time is spent dealing with conflict. And that 42 percent of their time is spent reaching agreements with others when conflicts occur.
Sometimes destructive conflict is simply because the people don’t like each other. In the universe of family owned companies sometimes brothers, sisters, cousins, and in-laws are thrown together in ways none of them like. Conflict is the only way they have of displaying the frustration they feel about the situation they’re in.
It is no wonder that an estimated 65% of performance problems result from strained relationships like these. Between employees who are not happy with each other - not from deficits in their training, skill, or motivation.
The most common way that destructive conflict shows up is about “how” a certain task should be accomplished. I met a farmer once whose son (age 50) refused to do things the way he wanted them done. He sited an example by driving me on the back of his four wheeler (you could not get there any other way) to a field that illustrated his point.
He and his father before him had always plowed the field north to south - his son was plowing it east to west. I am not making this up. It didn’t have anything to do with soil erosion, conservation, or the environment - he was doing it this way against his dad’s wishes, just to get his goat. And it was working.
I bet you can think of things at your company that are being done a certain way because that’s the way they’ve always been done. And if you’re the one who wants to change history, good luck!
Destructive conflict about how things are being done, what things are being done, and whether or not a certain thing should even be done can paralyze the organization.
Wasted time arguing about things that don’t matter, an unwillingness to consider another person’s point of view based on their experience, and the blame game when the results are in all cry out for a self-help process you can use to manage your differences so that all conflict is creative.
The end result of a successful self-help mediation process is that you (as a group) turn together and focus on the challenge or opportunity you all face. You see the problem as the stumbling block and not your coworker.
Self-help mediation tools allow two individuals the opportunity to discuss their assumptions about the other person’s motives. In many conflicts the simple process of testing these assumptions face to face using active listening skills will resolve the issue entirely, because the parties realize the conflict is simply a misunderstanding.
Self-help mediation tools pave the way for more effective decision making. Obviously decisions made under conditions of conflict are going to be inferior to decisions made when cooperation prevails. If ongoing conflict (even a low grade resistance to cooperation) is present between people who share decision-making authority, the resulting decisions are likely to be flawed by the power struggles between those people.
As business owners we know that good decisions must be based on an optimum quality and quantity of objective information. So when information is withheld or distorted by those we are depending on to provide it, the decision cannot be the best one possible.
There is now doubt, workplace conflict resolution strategies - especially those that will allow you to do it yourself - will save you money, time, energy, and enhance your workplace by helping you make better decisions, retain your best employees, and design a future course for the business everyone will actively support!
Wayne Messick’s web site has additional conflict resolution articles and resources to help you grow your business. If you are a small business advisor and want to maximize your professional and financial potential, here are the resources we are using to ststematically multiply our new business, our revenues, and our client’s satisfaction.
March 26, 2008
Negotiation
No Comments
When I was 15 years old, I found a book on body language. I purchased it because I wanted to read something on a train journey that I was taking that day. I read the book with some fascination.
Later, during the day, I struck a conversation with an elderly Irish clergyman, in the dining car. He was amazed when I told him that I could tell what he was thinking and feeling. He challenged me. And for the next 15 minutes, I told him what his passing moods were.
I laughed when he asked me if I were psychic. I explained to him that a person reveals his inner life by the way he moves his body. There is a language that one can read if you know the symbols. I spent a fascinating time revealing the secrets to him. He said that he would find the information very useful in counseling and advising people.
Today I still find the study of body language interesting. It is useful in getting to know anyone and helps in communicating with them. I suppose it can be used for sales, negotiations, relationship building, and any other kind of human interaction. I find it useful in getting a psychological profile on someone without my asking.
To illustrate my point, I will talk about confidence. How can you tell if someone is confident? Also, if you learn the language of body confidence, you can project an air of confidence and actually become that way.
Here are some traits of the confident person. By the way, you will be pleasantly surprised to find that you knew this already, but just had not put it together into an entire pattern.
Speech. A confident person is spontaneous in their speech. They speak without hesitation, and often with a great deal of enthusiasm. They also tend to be charming and entertaining.
Eyes. A confident person establishes more eye contact and has longer eye contact than someone who is nervous or bashful. They rarely blink, although this is not always true.
Hands. Hands usually gesture outwardly, away from the body, as if seeking to push or change the surrounding air around him. Internally, this signifies that the confident person has a belief that he or she can positively influence people and events. A common gesture, when sitting, is to steeple or taper the hands, so they resemble a church steeple.
Face. Usually the expressions on the face are in line with the flow of the conversation. If it is bantering, the face looks as playful as a child’s face. If it is serious, the expression is stern and determined.
Saleem Rana is a psychotherapist in Denver, Colorado. Learn more about how to efficiently decode people’s inner feelings and how you can use this knowledge to succeed in your career, relationships, and personal life, at http://theempoweredsoul.com/SelfImprovementBooks/bodylanguage.html
March 26, 2008
Negotiation
No Comments
Buyers of re-sale homes almost always have their homes inspected by a professional inspector. Buyers of new homes, however, often do not take this important step. There are several reasons for this:
1) The buyer is getting a brand new home, and thinks that the inspection is an unnecessary added cost.
2) The buyer feels that they are protected by the builder’s one-year warranty for workmanship, plus extended structural warranty.
3) In many cases, the home is inspected by city inspectors as a part of the permitting process.
4) Buyers believe that they can rely on the builder’s reputation.
5) The builder is resistant to idea of third party inspections.
6) Buyers are not aware that a home inspection is a recommended alternative.
7) The buyer plans to “keep an eye” on the construction.
A Business Relationship
The construction of a home is a big project involving many contractors and suppliers. As the buyer and homeowner you are the financer and recipient of the final product. If you are like most people, this is your biggest investment. Understandably, most people want to establish a good rapport with their builder. They must rely on the builder throughout the job, and for warranty and service work after completion. They feel that they need the builder’s friendship and good will, and do not want to risk damaging the relationship.
You will need to come to terms with this in your own mind. Do not allow your anxiety about the construction process to obscure the fact that you have a business relationship with your builder. You are working together under a contract. It is possible to be cordial and respectful, while maintaining the right to bring up problems and concerns. It is best to establish the ground rules for your relationship at the beginning of the project. At some point, you may need to tell the builder that something is not acceptable to you.
Schedule Inspections
Let the builder know at the outset that you will be getting a construction inspection. You may hear (from the builder or others) that this is unnecessary, that city inspections will be done, that this is an unusual step, etc. Stand your ground on the inspection decision. After you have let the builder know that you will be getting an inspection, send an email or written note clarifying when your inspections will be done. Make it clear that you will need to have the utilities connected for your final inspection. Allow enough time after the final inspection for corrections to be made before closing. Check with your inspector about which inspections he recommends. The three that come to mind are: foundation, pre-sheetrock, and final inspection.
Foundation Inspection
With some complicated foundations, you should have an engineer review the construction as it progresses. In other cases, a licensed inspector can do the job. Usually, city inspectors do a layout inspection, making sure the foundation does not overlap building lines. Whether or not you are in a city, ask your inspector to double check this. Ask for a copy of the “forms survey”, if the builder has one. If a forms survey has not been done, carefully measure from the property lines. If there is some doubt about whether the structure encroaches over building lines, have a survey done before proceeding. In addition to the layout, the inspector will check the steel content, depth of footings, post tension cables, and other parts of the foundation.
Pre-Sheetrock Inspection
Most builders invite the homeowner to do a walk through after framing, HVAC and plumbing rough-in, and electrical wiring are complete. This is a good time to look at your outlet locations and window and door placements. Make sure that any changes in the plans have been picked up and made by the sub contractors.
While you check for layout items, your home inspector can look closely at the construction. His report might include: broken plumbing lines, improper flashing, cut or bowed studs, inadequate bracing, beams that over-span their strength, AC ducts that are crushed, etc. These items are easy to correct at this point, before sheetrock and finish materials are installed.
It is not realistic to expect the construction to check out perfectly. Every builder in every price range will have some items to correct, both from the city and the third party inspector. Let your builder know that you will provide him with the report immediately, so that he can address the items before the walls are closed up.
Final Inspection
You will need to have all utilities on in order to complete this inspection. Normally, the builder requests a “walk-thru” inspection with you when the house is substantially complete. If utilities are on, you could schedule your inspector at this time. You can focus on paint and touch up items, while your inspector conducts a more thorough inspection, checking for leaks, non functional outlets, final grading of the lot, flashing problems, appliance operation, voids in mortar, etc.
The Construction Inspection
At some point you will sell you home, and your buyer will likely have your home inspected. Some of the items the inspector catches now may seem minor, but they will come up later in your buyer’s home inspection if they are not corrected. It is in your best interest to have everything nailed down now. If there are items that cannot be fixed before closing, and you cannot delay closing, ask the builder to sign a written list of items to be repaired or completed.
Building a new home can be an exciting and rewarding experience. A new home can deliver the right floor plan and finishes for you. It is a complicated project and huge investment. The support, advice and information that you will gain from a third party inspection is invaluable. Do not leave out this important step in the building process. It is well worth the investment.
Roselind Hejl, CRS, is a Realtor with Coldwell Banker United in Austin, Texas. Her website: Austin Texas Real Estate Guide offers homes for sale, market trends, buyer and seller guides. “Let Roselind help you make your move to Austin.”
March 26, 2008
Negotiation
No Comments
It’s easy to break agreements. It is especially easy to blow off agreements when you feel overwhelmed and overworked.
After all:
You have way more work to do than time to do it in.
You keep putting off important tasks in order to put out fires.
You don’t have the information you need to complete the task at hand.
You have a large stack of business cards you collected while networking.
You have no idea how to prioritize the multiple tasks you face every day.
One form of self-discipline to solve this common dilemma is to commit to ONLY MAKE AGREEMENTS THAT YOU ARE WILLING AND INTEND TO KEEP!
Just doing this can keep you out of lots of trouble.
1. It means you must stop automatically agreeing to do things.
2. Instead, you must take time to think through any agreement you make.
3. Don’t say “yes,” say “MAYBE.” Then say, “I will let you know in (15 minutes, 24 hours, or ??) after I check (the availability, my schedule, etc.) This time agreement is one you must keep.
4. Think about your priorities and resources, including time, energy and money before you decide whether to make the agreement.
5. Make your decision. It should be yes, no or an alternate proposition that takes what you need into account.
6. Communicate your decision within the agreed time period.
7. Now, make an agreement you are definitely willing to keep.
8. Keep whatever agreement you make.
9. If you encounter something that makes it impossible to keep your agreement, don’t wait. Communicate about the need to change your agreement at the earliest possible opportunity.
10. Renegotiate a new agreement, repeating your original decision making process.
When you think through your agreements BEFORE you make them, it becomes much easier to stay on target, follow through and achieve success.
Copyright 2004-2006 Laurie Weiss Ph.D.
Laurie Weiss, Ph.D., author of “Dare To Say It!,” is an internationally known executive coach, psychotherapist, and author. For more simple secrets for turning difficult conversations into opportunities for cooperation and success, visit www.DareToSayIt.com or email: feedback@laurieweiss.com
March 26, 2008
Negotiation
No Comments
When being polite and understanding gets you nowhere, you may be trying to cooperate with a bully. It simply won’t work. You must start by giving him a reason to listen to you.
“He didn’t refund my money. I’ve called three times and actually spoke to him once, and he agreed that I was entitled to a refund. He explained that his bookkeeper was on vacation and told me she would issue the check when she returned. He has not respond to my emails at all since then and I have sent 5 or them in the last month. I don’t know what I should do now.”
After questioning this highly ethical, hard working professional, I learned that the original payment had been made with a credit card.
“Have you thought about reporting the problem to the credit card company?”
“Oh, I couldn’t do that. I don’t want to get him into trouble. I would rather resolve the problem with him directly.”
She was determined to be nice about the situation. It did not occur to her that he apparently had no intention of refunding her money.
My client made the mistake of believing that everyone is as ethical and responsible as she is. She is using tactics that would work well to resolve a problem if someone asked her for a refund. Those tactics are obviously not working here.
It’s hard for her to imagine how differently someone else can approach the world. Some people play by an entirely different set of rules.
Sharks, opportunists or bullies or whatever you choose to call them just don’t care about cooperating-that is they don’t care about playing a game where everybody wins. What they care about is that they win. It doesn’t matter what happens to anyone else.
If they can manage to avoid you, they have no reason to solve a problem with you-they don’t even see it as their problem.
Mathematical research* shows that if you want to win, or at least not lose, with an opportunist, you must seize the initiative and command attention. Sometimes you need to use tactics that are distasteful to you.
Once the bully experiences being confronted, s/he may start to behave cooperatively again. Then your original tactics may work-but only AFTER the bully has shown evidence of cooperating.
The ethical professional recognized that this bully had completely ignored her approaches. She decided that complaining to the credit card company might get his attention and was her best current alternative.
*”The Evolution of Cooperation” Axelrod
Copyright 2006 Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.
Laurie Weiss, Ph.D., author of “The Integrity Course”, is an internationally known executive coach, psychotherapist, and author. For more simple secrets for learning how to say what you think without getting fired or losing your friends, visit http://www.TheIntegrityCourse.com