July 22, 2008
Death and Dying
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For the rich and famous who can be a little indecisive when will writing, some of the richer celebrities may be making headway in what to do with their millions when they die.
One New York billionaires who once said ‘only the little people pay taxes’ has taken charge of what happens to her dollars when she dies by leaving it all to dogs. Her family and friends get nothing while her dog - Trouble - gets several million dollars and dogs in general get billions.
This New York hotelier and real estate tycoon came up against her dilemma of what to do with so much money when it came to will writing and decided her ‘Queen of Mean’ image should stick after she dies. I’ve no doubt that wish has been brought to fruition - and not just for her meanness towards her employees!
An entire charitable trust valued at between five and eight billion dollars has been allocated for the care and welfare of dogs. There was an original plan when the billionaires first thought about will writing to leave a large amount of her estate for the aid of poor people but she obviously thought dogs would be a more worthy cause! There has been controversy over the will and it was claimed in court that she was not in her right mind when making her will so a judge ordered that her dog receive only $2 million instead of the planned $12 million.
Some stars prefer to leave their nearest and dearest out of their wills simply to teach them that life is hard and you only get somewhere by sheer hard work and determination. I, for one, think this a little mean. By all means, hold some back, but who in their right mind would not want to help their children out as best they could when they had the opportunity? Who would want to know that their children will struggle when they didn’t have to? Not so many years ago, it was the done thing that you worked hard all your life to leave some sort of a legacy for your children - not just a lesson that life is crap!
James Bond star, Sean Connery, has made headlines recently with the news that he will not be leaving any of his 85 pounds million fortune to his son, Jason. The relationship between father and son has, at times, been acrimonious over the years, and this is what has led to the difference of opinion. Connery states that he wants his son to learn the benefits of a career with hard work and to earn his own living. His own career began as barrow boy, lorry driver, labourer, coffin polisher, milkman and artist’s model so he certainly knows it’s no easy road.
This actor is not alone in the rich people that do not intend to smooth the future financial path for their offspring. Body Shop founder Anita Roddick gave away 51 pounds million to various sources before she died last year. Microsoft founder Bill gates and Paris Hilton’s rich grandfather have all dis-inherited their children for various reasons.
There are many emotive issues to take into consideration when will writing and many practicalities have to be covered also but at the end of the day, it truly is up to the individual as to what they do with their own money.
Legal expert Catherine Harvey looks at the way some people make will writing decisions that omit their families.
March 27, 2008
Death and Dying
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Cremation is widely accepted and practiced around the world and, along with custom and unique cremation urns, are slowly gaining popularity in the states. But many of us who are opting for cremation have never thought about how we might memorialize our loved ones including our pets.
There are many types of funeral urns and processes for making them. In general, cremation urns are designed to hold the cremains securely. After a deceased body is subjected to the high heat used in cremation, it can be pulverized for easy placement in a columbarium, buried, or kept at home.
Many of today’s customized cremation urns and funeral keepsakes are made by master craftsmen and artists. These cremation funeral urns are beautiful works of art in their own right and many people prefer to display them openly. Today family and friends are choosing keepsake urns or memorial jewelry like lockets and urn necklaces. These keepsakes can hold a small amount of sacred ground, funeral flowers, cremains, clothing, hair, or anything meaningful.
There are hundreds of funeral urns to choose from and materials vary including wood, metal, ceramic, stone and even bio-degradable material like natural fiber and salt. The methods of creating funeral urns are varied as well. The most common are:
WROUGHT OR FABRICATED METAL URNS
These are methods used in metallic materials like stainless steel, copper or bronze and may include one or a combination of the following: hammering, bending, welding, shearing or forming. These methods produce cost-friendly urns and are relatively easy to do. The methods usually result in urns with a satiny finish, allowing the surfaces to be engraved with personalized messages or inscriptions.
CAST BRONZE URNS
This is a method usually done with bronze and requires high heat to melt the metal. It is poured into a mold that usually has a reverse image, called the negative. This method produces a funerary urn with very beautiful and detailed designs. However, since it requires great time and skills, it can be costly.
Another method used with bronze urns is the lost wax method, where a rubber mold is used to form a temporary wax sculpture and coated with a liquefied form of ceramic. Once heated, the wax then melts, hence the term ‘lost wax’. The resulting shell is then used as the mold for the liquid bronze.
SPINNING
This method creates round-shaped metal urns and is limited to most metals including pewter. Flat sheets are spun on a lathe and are gradually shaped to form a round urn. Like the fabrication method, this technique is only limited to a satiny finish. However, the finished product is easy to engrave and personalize.
CLOISONNE
Cloisonne cremation urns are made through a process involving hammering and soldering an intricately-designed copper wire netting onto a uniquely shaped funeral urn. Different-colored enamels are then applied on the spaces formed by the copper wires and the urn is fired. The firing is performed several times until the enamel fills the spaces perfectly. The urn is then scored by hand and polished.
TIPS FOR CHOOSING FUNERAL URNS
First, consider what the burial rites are. Some families prefer to keep the cremated remains in a temporary urn for a scattering ceremony later on. For this type of burial rite, they may want to consider using temporary urns or bio-degradable urns. If you plan to keep a small amount of the cremated remains as a keepsake, consider getting keepsake urns or memorial jewelry.
If the burial rite involves land or deep water, bio-degradable urns are the perfect choice. You can house the remains securely and once buried in the soil or deep water, the urn will then slowly degrade.
If, however, the family prefers to keep all the cremated remains either in a mausoleum or at home, it would be a good idea to get a durable urn to house the remains. This way, they will be assured that the remains are safe and secure in an urn that will last for many years.
Memorial Urns offers a wide selection of cremation urns and keepsakes for humans and their pets. Find out more about memorializing your loved one at www.memorial-urns.com.
March 27, 2008
Death and Dying
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Cremation fell out of favor with the Christian population in the early Middle Ages, but was later recommended on grounds of health and sanitation during the reign of Queen Victoria. A milestone was reached in 1963 when the Pope lifted the ban on cremation. In 1966, Catholic priests were allowed to officiate at Cremation ceremonies. Even today, religious practices like Islam, Orthodox Judaism, Zoroastrianism, Parsees and Greek Orthodox Christianity forbid the practice of cremation. It has been the usual method of disposal of the dead among Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists, Calvinists, Liberal Jews, Roman Catholics, Presbyterians, Mormons and Methodists, to name a few.
Arranging a cremation:
You have to inform the funeral director and instruct him that you will be following a cremation service. The funeral director will be fully conversant with all the formalities and will obtain the necessary forms, which will also contain a letter of authorization from a near relative stating the desire to cremate the deceased. The funeral director will notify the crematorium of the date and time. You will also have to inform the crematorium how you wish to dispose of the cremation ashes.
Cost:
Normally, cremation costs up to a third less than a burial as there is no headstone or grave to be purchased. The funeral director’s charges are usually the same for both services. A typical funeral can cost $6,000 compared to $1200 for a cremation and service. Caskets typically start at about $2,000 for an economy model and quickly rise from there. Be sure and shop around online. If you purchase a casket from the funeral home you will most likely pay twice or more for the same coffin online. Cremation urns vary dramatically in price from a low of $100 to thousands of dollars. But a typical purchase would be $100 to $500 online.
The ceremony:
The service is the same as burial and it may take place in one’s own church or in a crematorium chapel. The form of the service can be adapted to suit one’s own desires and the charges will depend on the services rendered and the time needed. The body is brought in a coffin and the coffin usually remains in view for mourners to pay their respects. After the service, the coffin is withdrawn into a room where it is labeled with all the relevant information. This label stays with the coffin until the final disposal of the remains. After the service, the body is taken in the coffin to be cremated. Almost without exception, the body is cremated along with the coffin. Once the cremation is over, the ashes are removed and cooled in a tray. This is then placed in an urn and permitted to be strewn. The remains that are in the urn are cindered to a fine white ash.
Memorials:
Christian churches have a separate section, usually referred to as Gardens of Remembrances, which is set aside for the disposal of cremated remains. Ashes are strewn or buried here, but no area can be reserved by any one person. Some crematoriums have secured niches that hold the urns containing the ashes. These are available on a rental basis. If the rent is not paid on time, the ashes will be buried or strewn. Some families also dispose of the ashes in a family grave or strew them at a favorite spot. Sometimes, areas of religious significance are picked up to hold the ashes. However it is important to obtain permission before one can dispose of the ashes in other places. If you so desire, you may also keep the ashes with you.
Cremation Urns:
The increase in the number of people choosing cremation is also reflected in the sales of cremation urns. Traditional urns are wood cremation urns and cast bronze urns or spun metal urns. But, increasingly people are opting for customized cremation urns that better reflect the life of the person or pet they memorialize.
As with any memorial, people are beginning to place sculpted cremation urns and other artistic funeral urns at home, either in the garden or as art in the home.
If you wish, some crematoriums will allow you to dedicate a garden item or a small plaque for a limited period on payment. Some also accept donations in the form of physical objects like stained glass, seats and other items. Such items will hold a small inscription of the deceased. Enquire with the funeral director regarding memorial facilities available at your crematorium. The staff at the crematorium will also be happy to assist with any information you may need.
Memorial Urns offers a wide selection of funeral urns and keepsakes, and memorial jewelry for humans and their pets. Find out more about memorializing your loved one at www.memorial-urns.com.
March 26, 2008
Death and Dying
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51 Billion Dollars and rising! Sounds like a company a wise investor should invest in. After all, having a piece of a 51 billion dollar industry is an exciting prospect, filled with anticipation for the future right? Not this time. This industry takes away any hope for the future. Any promise of potential greatness is dashed to the ground, becoming ashes and dust when people continue to invest in this business.
Warnings have been issued over the years advising people to avoid investing in this global industry. Still people chose to purchase the stock - some one share at a time, others in large quantities. Each time they invest even one dollar into this corporation, they participate in destroying their own lives as well as the dreams and aspirations of others. Family and friends are even forced into the role of unwitting participants.
The government has taken a stand, as well as various groups around the globe, making it harder for people to invest in this corporation. Still people chose to disregard the signs that will eventually lead to their own demise. They continue their dangerous path of destruction. Why? Why do well educated human beings choose a pathway that is known to cause heartache and utter despair in order to be part of 51 billion dollar industry?
Doesn’t this elusive business have enough of our hard earned money? As well as our personal blood, sweat and tears? I’m sure you’re probably wondering to yourselves “What industry can she possibly be writing about?” Perhaps you would like to know if you have somehow missed the hundreds of warnings that are issued each year about this industry. Well here is the answer: Have you ever gotten behind the wheel of a vehicle with any alcohol, even one drink in your system? If you have, then you have invested in the 51 billion dollar club.
It is estimated that each year 51 billion dollars is spent on alcohol related crashes. During 2003 (NHTSA 2004a), 17,013 deaths occurred in the U.S. alone because of alcohol impaired drivers. 2,136 of those deaths were children under the age of 14. These investors have killed the future. This represents nearly
March 26, 2008
Death and Dying
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Everyone is familiar with feelings of grief. These feelings range from mild, momentary unhappiness to feelings of intense and acute emotional suffering that take a long time to heal. These feelings can be caused by disappointment, discouragement, frustration, trouble, difficulty, a sense of futility, deep regret or some specific loss, disaster, misfortune, accident, or mishap.
Grief is characterized by symptoms such as low spirits, feelings of unhappiness, discouragement, anger, brooding despondency, depression, and intense emotional anguish. Grief affects us in many different ways:
Physically: My heart is blighted and withered like grass; I forget to eat my food. Because of my loud groaning I am reduced to skin and bones.
Psalm 102:4-5 NIV
Mentally: “I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil.” Job 3:26
Emotionally: Why do you always forget us? Why do you forsake us so long? Lamentations 5:20 NIV
Why do you hide your face and consider me your enemy? Job 13:24 NIV
Spiritually: My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long? Psalm 6:3 NIV
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent. Psalm 22:1-2 NIV
Mourning is the expression of grief. It is the process in which we try to make sense of our pain and suffering and reconcile our past experiences, knowledge, faith and beliefs with what we’re experiencing. It is looking for hope where there doesn’t appear to be any.
It is the struggle to regain a sense of well-being after having our world, our lives, our minds and hearts turned upside down and inside out.
I believe that if we can reconcile our experiences of pain and sorrow, grief and mourning with our Creator and Savior’s loving nature and purposes for our lives, that will bring healing and restoration to our whole person-body, soul and mind.
Why do we experience suffering and loss and death and all kinds of other hurtful things that cause us to grieve?
The most basic explanation is that God never intended for us to experience suffering or death. That may be why we react to them the way we do.
Disobedience and nonconformity to God’s perfect standards introduced these painful things into the perfect world God made and the blessed lives He envisioned for us.
GOD said to the Woman, “What is this that you’ve done?”
“The serpent seduced me,” she said, “and I ate.”
GOD told the serpent: “Because you’ve done this, you’re cursed, cursed beyond all cattle and wild animals, Cursed to slink on your belly and eat dirt all your life. I’m declaring war between you and the Woman, between your offspring and hers. He’ll wound your head, you’ll wound his heel.”
He told the Woman: “I’ll multiply your pains in childbirth; you’ll give birth to your babies in pain. You’ll want to please your husband, but he’ll lord it over you.”
He told the Man: “Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree That I commanded you not to eat from, ‘Don’t eat from this tree,’ The very ground is cursed because of you; getting food from the ground Will be as painful as having babies is for your wife; you’ll be working in pain all your life long. The ground will sprout thorns and weeds, you’ll get your food the hard way, Planting and tilling and harvesting, sweating in the fields from dawn to dusk, Until you return to that ground yourself, dead and buried; you started out as dirt, you’ll end up dirt.” Genesis 3:13-19 MSG
How do we cope with events and experiences that bring on the unpleasant, painful, sometimes debilitating emotions of grief?
We begin by simply trusting God’s good name and holy character, that His intentions for us are always good.
The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made. Psalm 145:9 NIV
Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion according to the greatness of his unfailing love. For he does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow. Lamentations 3:32-33 NLT
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Genesis 50:20 NIV
We know that God is always at work for the good of everyone who loves him. They are ones God has chosen for his purpose, Romans 8:28 CEV
Then we cling to God’s promise that one day He will release us from pain and suffering when He restores us and the rest of His creation to His original design and purpose.
Against its will, everything on earth was subjected to God’s curse. All creation anticipates the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. And even we Christians, although we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, also groan to be released from pain and suffering. We, too, wait anxiously for that day when God will give us our full rights as his children, including the new bodies he has promised us. Romans 8:20-23 NLT
Remember your promise to me, for it is my only hope. Your promise revives me; it comforts me in all my troubles. Psalm 119:49-50 NLT
Sharon Young is a dedicated mom and wife with a deep desire to discover who God is and how to navigate this life guided by His truth.
Mourning Glory - A Devotional for Grieving is a book for those struggling through a loss and looking for support and comfort, http://www.amourningdevotional.com
March 26, 2008
Death and Dying
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Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.
(Hebrews 10:36 NLT)
I sit on the edge of my husband’s hospital bed, holding his hand and stroking his face. The room is lit only by the soft glow of the streetlights filtering through the bay window. I am silent, drinking in. the love that we have shared over a lifetime of living together. It is a mystery - how in the midst of his dying I can feel our shared love, our shared lives so poignantly and passionately while simultaneously withdrawing emotional energy from our relationship.
He will soon be moving to Heaven and I will be here, a widow endowed with the challenge and the gift of creating a life for myself without him. Questions race through my mind with the speed of an Olympic downhill racer. What will I do? How will I find solace? Who will walk with me on my journey? Strangely enough I have not asked the question “Why me?” I already know the answer to that question - “Why not me?”
He speaks: “Are you feeling sad or scared?” ‘No”, I reply. ‘I just wanted to hold your hand to feel your presence, drink in our love”. It is a melancholy moment, one filled with passionate love, reverberant joy, and the deepest sorrow I have ever felt. It is one of those peak experiences in life that is accentuated by the quietness of the evening, filled with the love of a shared lifetime, and slowly moving towards the final curtain closing.
He smiles, “Well, just remember you have Odin”, Odin, my German Sheppard puppy. I, the cat lover, who swore that no dog would ever enter my home, have purchased a dog. Not just a dog, but a puppy. I know nothing, zip, zilch, nada about training a puppy. I don’t even like dogs. I love my cat Nala. She is independent, asks nothing of me except that I keep her food dish filled. Occasionally, she will give me permission to pet her, but only when she wants to be petted. And now, in the midst of my husband’s dying I have a puppy.
Odin, is the recipient of my emotional energy that I am withdrawing from my husband. He is a quiet dog that demands nothing, but he is there to listen to me, to love me, to redirect me. How does Odin know what I need at the moment I need it? It is a mystery, the depths of which I shall never be able to plummet. Yet, I am thankful that this mystery is presently operating in my life.
Odin is always by my side. He follows me from room to room. I find myself talking to him as if he were a human being. I tell him of my joys, my sorrows, my dreams, and my fears. He listens; he licks my hand and waits patiently for me to pet him. Somehow he senses my need for unconditional love and acceptance. He senses my need for reassurance that my life will not only continue, but that at some future point I will again live fully and joyously. He is helping me make the transition. He cannot replace my husband; no one can replace my husband. But Odin has my energy, my time, and my attention. He needs me to give to him as much as he gives to me. He is mine and he is teaching me patient endurance and hope.
It never ceases to amaze me the avenues through which God shows us His unfailing love. “Remember me in the light of your unfailing love, for you are merciful, O Lord (Psalms 25: 7 NLT). I thank you Lord that in the midst of my grief and sorrow l can feel your unfailing love, that “The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all who keep his covenant and obey his demands (Psalms 25: 10 NLT). There is no limit to the creative power of our Lord, and no limit in his reaching out to comfort us. Thank you. Lord for the gift of Odin.
Ann E. Van Dyke holds a Masters degree in psychology and is a licensed addictions counselor.
Mourning Glory, A Devotional for Grieving is a book for those struggling through a loss and looking for support and comfort. http://www.amourningdevotional.com
March 26, 2008
Death and Dying
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It is both a wonderful and terrible aspect of God’s love that when we lose someone we love, the deep pain we feel can draw us closer to God, the author of life and death. As Christians all our relationships are a triangle, with one another and God at the head. Our deepest selves are connected to one another and to God because it is in him we live and love and have our true being.
For in him (God) we live and move and have our being.’ As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’ Acts 17:28
It is natural to grieve the loss of someone we love, and God not only does not deny us our grief, he tells us in Matthew 5:4, “Blessed are they who mourn for they shall be comforted.” What this means is that God calls you in your grief to enter more deeply into communion, communication and relationship to him so that he can lift you on wings of angels through the grief process.
One might ask if this makes the grief process easier, lighter, less intense even. I don’t think so. By no means, as Saint Paul would say. God calls us to more deeply examine the powers and attributes which make our lives and our relationships worth the earthly journey.
We can begin to study the nature of love, of forgiveness, of solace, of sorrow, of joy, of joy in the midst of grief, of silence, of oneness within ourselves, with others, with others lost, with our precious Lord, to experience a new wholeness and holiness in our Lord Jesus. For we are not lost to each other. We will meet again, dance and sing and feast, banquet with our Lord at our marriage supper as at the wedding of Cana.
If our love of the other person who died is deep enough we may even feel we cannot live without them. In this case only God can relieve our pain. It is just by drawing near to him that we can experience solace, a healing and restorative solace, that can put us back on the path of life and more than that a fulfilling life. The greater our sense of loss may well mean the greater our closeness to God, our willingness to let him enter our pain and heal because we so need him. It is a time to build trust and to come to believe and to surrender to a God who will deliver us out of all our afflictions. The grief process can reveal more fully than at other times the God who is enough and more than enough.
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:17,18
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
With the loss of each person, each reliance temporary and earthly or final and eternal, we come to an end, and what must we do just to survive, to keep on living? We must begin a new journey, take a new risk, follow a different and unknown path. Boy, these are all my favorite things! Right? No, wrong! These are the things I fear, almost to the point of dread, the very most in my sojourn here. Will it be an adventure? Will it call me toward the God whose love is an unbounded and timeless consuming fire? Will the grief shake me and root up and out all the earthly things which keep me from him; keep me clinging to anything I can recognize, touch, see or feel; keep me supported, restrained and even melded into this world? Yes is the answer, I think, to all of these questions.
“Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens.” The words “once more” indicate the removing of what can be shaken that is, created things so that what cannot be shaken may remain. Hebrews 12:26,27
Do we have a choice about this new journey into grief? Yes, we always have choices. So why should I make the choice to cede my grief process to God when I am sheered of the wool of the presence, the comfort and love of the person or thing whose loss I have suffered?
Because it is in my nakedness, in my vulnerability, in my birth into grief that the Lord can show me, can teach me, can inculcate into me, can impress upon me like a seal my true and eternal self in him. My grief can be my door to forever with my precious Lord and Savior, Jesus.
For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone. If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. Romans 14:7,8.
Diana Burg is an author with several books. She writes novels, short stories, plays, screenplays and poetry. Her passion is writing.
Mourning Glory - A Devotional for Grieving is a book for those struggling through a loss and looking for support and comfort. http://www.amourningdevotional.com
March 26, 2008
Death and Dying
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Three things will last forever -faith, hope, and love - and the greatest of these is love (1st Cor. 13:13 NLT)
“Happy Valentine’s Day, Baby” I sang as I entered the house carrying a balloon tied to a box of candy. My husband grinned up at me from his hospital bed. I placed the box of candy and the balloon on the bed table. Then I tapped the balloon. A tinny rendition of You’re the One began to play. “You’re the one who makes me sing and shout, you’re the one I dream about. We’re still having fun, and you’re still the one”.
His grin widen into a smile that filled his whole countenance. His eyes brimmed with love and a little of that love spilled over and down his cheeks. “I will always love you,” I said. “Me too” he croaked. It is hard for him to speak, his lung capacity has decreased and it takes a lot of effort for him to push enough air over his vocal cords to make them vibrate. His tongue and cheek muscles have also fallen prey to ALS (Amyotropic Lateral Sclerosis) and he has difficulty enunciating his words clearly. But our desire to live each moment that we are granted has led us to make the decision that “I’m gonna live, live, live until I die”. It has been this decision that has kept us going through the long difficult years of living with ALS rather than dying from it. It has been this decision that has led us to praise God in the midst of the most difficult circumstances we have ever faced. It is this decision that keeps us celebrating holidays, birthdays, and yes, even Valentine’s Day.
The singing balloon is now attached to the side rail of my husband’s hospital bed. A couple of times a day as I am doing things for him I will tap the balloon. The balloon and I do a duet to which I dance. He always gets a big grin on his face. His eyes become dazzling spotlights of intense love. In that transcendent moment we know and share a passionate love that fills a lifetime and beyond, a love that rises above all things, a love that even death cannot diminish. In that moment I know that I will always have his love with me. It won’t matter where his physical presence has moved; his love will be in my heart, mind, and spirit. His love will guide me in my decisions. I will hear him in my heart cautioning me to think before I act, questioning is this really what you want to do, or telling me “You can do this”.
For the dying, death is the doorway to Heaven. For those of us who are left behind, death is the doorway that challenges us to go on living in a new and different way. It is not easy to think about living alone, but I believe the best way to honor the man I love, my beloved husband who has always challenged me to be the best I can be, is to live life as fully as I possibly can. I know this is true because he told me so.
Three things will last forever, faith, hope, and love, and the greatest of these is love (1st Cor. 13:13 NLT)
Ann E. Van Dyke holds a Masters degree in psychology and is a licensed addictions counselor.
Mourning Glory, A Devotional for Grieving is a book for those struggling through a loss and looking for support and comfort. http://www.amourningdevotional.com
March 26, 2008
Death and Dying
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And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 22:39 NKJ
I have always loved this commandment mostly because it assumes we love ourselves. At the very least it seems to give us permission to feel good about ourselves and to treat ourselves well because then that is the standard for the treatment of others. I have rarely seen, in this day and age, the kind of love God would have us have for ourselves. I call it “God Esteem.” God’s vision of us and hope for us is always the most wonderful self-image conceivable. He made us and wants us to be the best we can be and love ourselves at any age.
It almost seems today as if “low self-esteem” is chic. If you don’t have it you’d better go looking for it. We are so controlled by external evaluation that there are very few ways to have any kind of esteem according to society norms. You can’t be too fat, too poor or too old or in modern, young parlance, “You can’t be too thin, too rich or too young.” Someone was telling me that models today, for the most part, are all washed up in their twenties. I think most of us buy into this lie. I feel it must grieve the Father that we can’t love ourselves at any age.
But once I did encounter what I believe was “God Esteem,” true “God Esteem.” Mama B, my mother-in-law, has always loved the Lord and believed that he forms us, physically as well, at every stage of our lives, and that he does a perfect job. It was late one night on vacation, and I had to get up to visit the bathroom, which my husband and I were sharing with Mama B, who was in the next bedroom.
The bathroom door was closed. I peeked into Mama B’s bedroom, and she was not there. I waited outside the bathroom door for a few minutes. I didn’t want to call out for fear of waking my husband. I tried to turn the knob softly. The door wasn’t locked. I pushed it open, and there was Mama B standing in front of the mirror in the dark. The moonlight was streaming through the window, and Mama B was standing directly in its light. The silver and white of her bobbed hair, shone like white and grey silk. She had on a very red lipstick which made her teeth aspirin white. She was smiling so broadly and peacefully that she radiated happiness. “You know what?” she asked me.
“No, what, Mama B?”
“I’m a beautiful old lady.”
We were silent for a few seconds, and then I looked at the striking mirror image and said, “You know what? You are.”
Since her death, when I remember this incident, I go to the mirror and try to say, “You are a beautiful middle-aged woman.” Oh yuk! I don’t mean a word of it, and you can tell by the surly frown in the mirror. I know Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t going to worry. But I also know Mama B was right. I know she had “God Esteem.”
Thank you, Lord, for giving us examples of the wisdom of some your saints which can give us great comfort and guidance in our grief. Our loved ones, who have died, not only live on in You, but in us. Thank you that I will think of Mama B and You every time I take a step toward God esteem.
Diana Burg is an author with several books. She writes novels, short stories, plays, screenplays and poetry. Her passion is writing.
Mourning Glory, A Devotional for Grieving is a book for those struggling through a loss and looking for support and comfort. http://www.amourningdevotional.com